Commitment Phobia: Does He Want to Date Me or Is He Stringing Me Along?

A sister in Christ had a question about a brother who she believes may be stringing her along. I’m not an expert by any means but I’ve lent some advice based on my personal experiences. Feel free to weigh-in! If you have questions, please feel free to send them to

Dear Miss Aleck, 

Hello, i absolutely love your blog and i try to read it often. My question is i am a savedChristian woman that is 31 years old. Its been awhile since i have been on the datingscene but i have developed a friendship with a young man. He is 34 saved, no children an all 

around great guy. But we havent moved anywhere beyond friendship. We have gone on a few dates and we talk daily. I have asked him where our friendship was going his response you are someone i potentially want to date. So my question is should i just cut off the friendship…is he just not that into me or just be happy with our friendship?

Dear Confused, 

If you ask most men, the minute they find someone they connect with 100% they don’t want to waste time waiting. Most don’t want to leave open the possibility that a woman will find someone else. However, women put all of their eggs in one basket when it comes to dating and throw themselves wholly onto one man’s good graces. Their is a certain amount of aloofness and mystery a woman needs to have in the dating game – especially in church. Most men feel church girls are trying to “lock them down”‘ when in actuality we should be just as cautious about entering a serious relationship. The truth is  when men play the “you are ‘potentially’ someone I want to date,’” it usually means that

A. In his mind, you are a contingency plan. A nice back up that he can lean on should he not find what he’s looking for.  Your first mistake is that you speak with him everyday. Pull the emotionalsecurity blanket out from under him and entertain other friendships. Don’t allow yourself to get emotionally attached to a man that is not giving you any indication that you have a future with him.  

B. He doesn’t know what he’s looking for but he’s not sure you’re not it. A man at the age of 34 should know EXACTLY what he’s looking for. A man who uses the word “potentially” in the same sentence as your name is someone you should be seriously considering dismissing him. Why? Because you aren’t someone who should have to hear the word ‘potentially’!

C. He’s apprehensive about commitment. Ask him when his last relationship was and how long it lasted. There may be some emotional baggage there that you might want to know about before committing to him. 

The dating game is complicated especially as God-fearing women. However; know that you were divinely created. So, the question ladies need to ask themselves is not why is he  being cautious about with whom he choose to commit. The question is why aren’t we ?

Miss Aleck

How can you tell if someone is being cautious or stringing you along? Is there anything wrong with having multiple friendships?

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