To Grab A Man’s Attention & Combat the Loneliness: Date Yourself

D. Kimberly 

Last night the Twitter talk became really, really heated! It was based on Nita Gamble’s recent post,  Celibacy? No Problem, Loneliness Now That’s an Issue. There was a question posed by @bruiser_hamwhich basically asked, what are women doing to proactively find a mate and combat loneliness? His question is one that I hear often from men who are tired of hearing us gripe about being “alone” and “single”. The idea of “waiting on God for a mate” – or anything for that matter – is erronously translated as “sit on your butt and do nothing and wait for it to fall divinely from the sky.

As if he were secretly reading our timeline, Gospel living legend, Fred Hammond posed a question to his followers, “The real question is why are single women who are available and want to be out with male company home on a Saturday?” At first, I thought this was a trick question. What is a saved girl supposed to do on a Saturday night? It’s not like there is a Christian Club Convention going on…

However, I had been sitting on the answer to finding a mate this whole time. So, please allow me drop a jewel real quick. Last month, I’d made a decision that I was NOT going to go on dates with what Heather Lindsey defines as “RANDOMS” just to combat boredom and loneliness.

So, what did that mean exactly? For most women, it means that they just sit at home catching up on Reality TV, entertainment gossip, planning “Girl’s nights” that never seem to happen or reading devotionals and talking hair. What did it mean for me? I resolved to go on dates…SOLO.

The first time I walked into an Applebee’s on a Wednesday night and told the male host with confidence, “one please.”  He checked me out and said, “You definitely shouldn’t have to eat alone.” I smiled, “Trust, I don’t HAVE to but I’m choosing to…” and so it began. Let’s just say, I had “dessert on the house” that night! The attention was amazing and almost an intrusion.

I found the more time I spent with myself out and about – the more approachable I became to men. I was often approached out of curiosity. When you’re not flanked with a posse of single women you make choosing you the only option. You also stand out among the crowd because you aren’t afraid to venture out on your own. I make it a point to take myself on a date once every other week, remembering never to visit the same place twice.

As if the attention wasn’t enough, I began to LIVE instead of idly waiting for opportunities. God gave us a canvas called LIFE for us to experience as many adventurous shades of it as possible.  He gave legs and heels to STRUT for a reason and I intend to shassay anywhere my feet can take me- a good man is welcome to join me if he likes ;)

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